Sunday Times
TELFORD VICE, Cape Town
WHO knew Australia and New Zealand were in some twilight zone far, far away from reality where little is as we know it to be here in sunny SA? You didn’t? Neither did we. But that helpful young man, AB de Villiers, has put us right.
“It was a very long tour for us,” De Villiers said after returning from an expedition of 33 days. In that time, SA played three one-day internationals in New Zealand and a tour match, three T20s and five ODIs in Australia.
“It started in New Zealand, where we played some good cricket,” De Villiers said. “Then there was a break for some of the guys who didn’t play in the T20s, and then the ODI series against Australia. So it all felt a bit long ...
Chuck in a day or two for travel both ways and that’s verging on 40 days on the road shuttling between plush airport lounges and luxury hotels and having to put up with minions fulfilling every whim. Good grief. How on earth did the poor dears cope?
“But it was crucial preparation for us before the World Cup, getting used to the conditions; little things like flying from Perth to Canberra and understanding that there’s a time difference and jet lag comes into play.”
Canberra is three hours ahead of Perth. Getting from one to the other in an aircraft takes four hours and 35 minutes. The jet lag must be crippling.
During the tour itself, De Villiers noted the boxes SA were striving to tick as they diligently tightened the nuts and bolts on their planning for next year’s World Cup. Getting used to the food served in the Antipodes was among them, as was the dimensions of the fields they played on, and the raucousness of the crowds.
Damn straight. You don’t know where that Aussie beef or Kiwi lamb has been on its way to the abattoir. And are Aussies in coffee shops being racist when they ask for a flat white or a long black? The grounds are, like, so moerse big that deep midwicket could easily be in a different time zone from deep cover. As for the spectators, they swear and get clever! How dare they!
De Villiers is an intelligent man who sets a fine example as a captain and is the kind of cricketer every kid wants to be. He is also easily liked and reassuringly human and humble.
So why does he think we are so stupid?
For cricketers, who rarely venture outside of their tour bubble, Australia and New Zealand are among the most generic places on the planet. They could be anywhere anally efficient, obsessively regulated, and bland.
The only hardships in visiting these countries from SA are a long flight and its effects, and a sharply unfavourable exchange rate. The first is temporary, the second negated by the kind of cash players earn.
Cricketers work hard for that money. Their training sessions are long and frequent, and there is nothing glamorous about being headhunted by Mitchell Johnson.
But best this lot man the hell up before they go back Down Under.
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