Leading Edge: What tuk-tuks can teach us about test cricket

Sunday Times

TELFORD VICE, Colombo

Most journeys undertaken by foreigners in Colombo start with a question: “Meter?” Whereupon the tuk-tuk driver will waggle his head in a way that could signify to someone from Africa, “Yes”, “No”, “Maybe” or “Why do you damn fool alien species always think you’re so bloody clever?”

Sometimes he will point to the meter’s numerals glowing reassuringly above the windscreen. Other times, you will have to duck your head inside the vehicle to see them. But, if he ignores your question and asks, “Where going?” he does not have a meter and will try to fleece you into agreeing to a fare higher than you should pay.

Of course, even if his tuk-tuk is equipped with a meter, there is nothing to stop him from driving unsuspecting, trusting you 20 blocks in the wrong direction from where you have asked to be taken, doubling back on another road, and dropping you off, as ordered, but 20 minutes later and 500 rupees lighter than you should have been.

And another thing - if you negotiate the fare instead of using the meter and the driver hears you refer to his tuk-tuk as a tuk-tuk, the price will go up. In India, call it an “auto” if you want to avoid paying ignorance tax. In Sri Lanka, it becomes a “trishaw”.

These rules are not written, but somehow they are known. Thank goodness, because something needs to govern the heaving, putting, rocking, hooting unruly mass of tuk-tuks that roam, seemingly haphazardly, like giant, drunken bees all over many cities on the Asian sub-continent.

Tuk-tuk drivers are this way because of that a simple but irrisistable thing: competition. If you don’t like the cut of one fella’s jib or the look of his meter, the next bloke lurks as near as his mate’s back wheels.

Something similar is happening in test cricket. Without intense competition, the game is esoteric enough to become nothing more than marketing in motion. Yes, it is cricket in its purist and best form. No, its square peg is not designed to fit into the shape-shifting hole of the 21st century.

So, will the best test team please continue to not stand up too tall. To remain significant in a global sporting culture where they who shout loudest get the most attention, cricket needs the context that can be delivered only by a tussle something like what is seen between competing tuk-tuk drivers every day in Colombo.

As things stand, Australia are ranked the No. 1 test team. But only just. SA are a fraction of a point behind, and victory in their series in Sri Lanka will push them back to the top - a position they had held for 21 months when the Aussies came and took it last season.

As good as it feels for South Africans to bathe in the reflected glory of the team they support being recognised as the best in the game, they would do better to see the bigger picture and hope that if Hashim Amla’s men get the top spot back they do not hold on to it for as long this time.

Just like having many tuk-tuks on the street means fair fares and that supply more or less meets demand, so having as many competitive teams out there as possible means cricket stays relevant. Gentlemen, get your motors running.