Members End: Cricket’s sissies, thanks for not coming, IPL, Lorgat’s unpunished admission, Warner’s reverse swing

Sunday Times

TELFORD VICE, Johannesburg

Death is as possible on a cricket ground as it is on a grand prix track or in a boxing ring, as in, “How did he die?” “Well, officer, he never saw the bouncer coming and the damned fool always refused to wear a helmet ...” But there is no way cricketers will put up with being rained on for longer than it takes them to scurry off the field. Footballers, rugby players, golfers and even lawn bowlers nevermind the weather - they simply get on with it. But not cricketers, oh no. Wet fields are so not for them. What if they fall and hurt themselves, poor lambs? So big up to match referee Chris Broad, who overruled the umpires and the captains and told SA and Australia to get the hell on with the second T20 at an admittedly soaked Kingsmead on Wednesday. The Aussies won the seven-over shootout, but South Africans should be used to losing to them this summer. Beyond that, the cricket was electrifying. And nobody died, or even hurt themselves.

Members End can’t say whether it is more saddened or relieved by the news that the Indian Premier League (IPL) will not come to these shores this year. At least, it’s not coming at this stage - when the Board of Control for Cricket in India are involved the sky itself could be ordered to change colour at a moment’s notice. And, should Srini say so, change colour the sky had better do if it knows what’s good for it. Much as we would have enjoyed witnessing first-hand this spectacle of crash, boom, bang cricket played in neon colour to a driving backbeat of Bollywood hits animated by tightly-wrapped, nubile dancers, it is not an unpleasant thought to know that we will be able to change the channel when it all gets too much. Which will happen halfway through the third game of the tournament. That isn’t an option when the IPL takes aim at your senses from point blank range for a month or two.

So, Haroon Lorgat admits to making journalists offers he hoped they couldn’t refuse in the form of compensatory interviews in return for not publishing stories he would rather not have published. But an investigation ordered by the International Cricket Council can find nothing wrong with something that walks and talks exactly like a clear breach of ethics. Which means Lorgat goes unpunished. Ah, well, silly of us to expect cricket to do the right thing for once.

And in nicer news, David Warner proposed to Candice Falzon during Australia’s SA tour. Happily, she accepted. Then came the revelation that Falzon fell pregnant with the couple’s first child during the Ashes earlier this year. In another age, we might have called that an instance of particularly dodgy reverse swing. These days, it’s what happens when both sides of the ball are roughed up early in the game.